Friday, September 12, 2008

THE FIST TV NETWORK

THE FIST TV NETWORK

COMEDY ON FIST, FUNDAMENTALIST ISLAMIC TELEVISION NETWORK

Greetings All, the SCARF here, I intercepted another transmission from FIST, the fundamentalist Islamic television network.............

Along with Bigfoot, Loch Ness, and other things you ll think you ll never see (Rosie O'Donnell in a swimsuit layout, Paris Hilton portraying Madame Curie or knowing who Madam Curie was or even spelling Curie), one must include Islamic radicals holding hands, singing "We Are The World", unless of course, they conquer it.........However they have used the melody from "We Are The World"

to sing their new hit song, "WE ARE WAHABBI".

"we are the world
we are wahabbi
don t make us have to put you to the sword
though that s our hobby

it s a choice
you're making
you re saving your own life
just follow all our rules
and your blood won t pool,

we are the world
we are wahabbi
my name is abdul-ali-al-rakim
don t call me bobby,

(bob dylan voice)

there s a choice
you re making
the oil it flows so freeeeeeeeee,
it s easy as 1-2-3-
with the wahabbi

(regular voice)

now you gotta believe
just like the sky is blue
if you re an infidel you re
going to go toooo

hell------------ hell------------ hell--------hell
you are the great satan
no virgins await
you
the only thing you ll sleep with
will emit a moo

we are the world

we are wahabbe

perhaps we ll change some of our point of view

and be less snobby

maybe we can find

a happy medium

and then one day

together we will all have some fun

and then one day together

we will all have some fun

this has been a hama

hama

hama

hamas

fa-----tah production

Osama Bin Laden set up a meeting with Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Ashley Dupree
also known as Kristin. He sung a song to their sexual encounter.

sung to "She'll be comin round the mountain when she comes"
 
kristin' s comin up the mountain
here she comes
and I m looking like some
Saudi stumble bum
when she gets here on the mountain
I ll go off just like a fountain
kristen' s coming upthe mountain, here she comes

she ll be more fun than a camel
that is true
and she won t back into my nuts
till they turn blue
she s a hooker
screws 4 money
but tonight she ll be my honey
she is coming up the mountain
here she comes
been a long time
since I ve been someone's
sex slave
fornication ain t romantic
in a cave
its been yrs lemme tell ya
since I seen my genitalia
need a lawn mower to give
that THANG a shave

I will pay her dollars and opium
for her delights
she s a virgin 10 times removed
her Western Blight
I will fill her with my
semen
try to drown her Satan
demon
then I ll throw her off the mountain
when I come
jiha------------------d
geeee-whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz---gee whiz


MR. AKBAR'S NEIGHBORHOOD

I got this transmission by mistake from FIST,

Fundamentalist Islamic Television.

A camera starts rolling, the sound is on, and a robed man enters the frame.

HE SINGS

"it s a dusty day in the neighbor hood

the ventilation in this cave in not so good

won t you be my,

i won t harm you,

neighborrrrrrrrrrrr

Hello friends, welcome to MR.AKBAR'S NEIGHBORHOOD.

we have a special show today,

so make sure TO pay attention.

today,

i will use animated figures and toys to

show you the proper etiquette for driving enemies away from your wells

with a certain style, while my obediant wife, as part of her "meals on the move project"

will whip up her specialty jello with sheep eyes have you tasted this? Hmmmmmmm. delish    An eye opening dessert

(SINGS)

"watch it staring,

it is glaring,

looks right through you,

don t be afraid, it s only

a ewe

Where's my wife? Missy, Bring me the mullah, no , no, not the old guy with the beard, the greenbacks, the mullah, the cash, wait, hold that thought, let's connect our new Playstation. I got a generator friends, allow me a few technology comforts ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next time I will explain how to turn a bad thing into a good thing;

if indeed I am a eunach, I will use my high voice

to form a band, like from the 1960's, retro I think they call it,

I will be AKBAR AKJAN ANDTHE 4 HORSEMAN OF THE APOCOLYPSE.

Kinda like Frankie Valli....."Big girls, they cryyyyy, oi they cry, big girls, they cry, I'll tell u why

saw my girl kiss my best friend,

now we'll stone them end to end

when them rocks begin to fly

big girls and boys do cry

big girls they cryyyyy

projectiles flying low and high

big girls they cry

do you wonder why?"

GOODBYE FROM MR AKBAR'S NEIGHBORHOOD, SEE YA!!!!!

I was able to get the Transcript of the Unanimous WINNER, of the ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALIST IDOL WINNER. AKBAR, by name, won for his rendition of "KABUL, KABUL" song to the tune of "NEW YORK, NEW YORK". The votes came in by phone, audience approval, falcon, and mule cart. Here is his song

"I COME U.S.A.

I DRIVE THE TAXI

BACK HOME THE FAMILY POPPY BUSINESS

BECKONED TO ME,

PEOPLE IN MY MOUNTAIN LAND

LOVE OPIATES AND CASH,

SO MUCH THEY LL HIDE TWO KILOS

RIGHT UP THEIR ASSSSSSSSSSS

NOW I CAN WAKE UP IN A CITY

THAT S ALWAYS HIGH

AND WATCH THE FOREIGN AIRCRAFT

SOAR THRU THE SKY

TH-EEEEE-SSSSSSSSS-EEEE

TALIBAN BL-------------------UES

ARE NOT HERE TO STAY,

YOU ALL CAN MAKE A BRAND NEW START OF IT

IN OLD KABUL

ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND

IF U CAN SHIP FROM HERE

YOU GONNA SHIP IT, EVERYWHE-----------RE

MY FAMILY'S BUT A FEW

BUT REALLY REALLY DUE

KAB--------------------UL

KAB------ULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

(sniffs coke off knuckle) (EXCLAIMS) "72 virgins here i come" (pushes button palm)

BLOWS UP.............EXPLODES.....................

He is the unanimous winner amidst great clapping, cheering, and tongue clucking,

as his nose (still with the connection across it) and turban fall to  EARTH